Unfiltered Prayers

Today I Decided to Fight

Today I decided to fight
I have been weary for a long season,
For my grief there are many reasons.
I am a tired soldier, an exhausted troop;
I know you are victorious, and down you stoop
to give me the strength to keep pressing on,
even though I want to remain withdrawn.
But today I decided to fight.

Today I decided to fight,
The depression and hopelessness are dense,
There are days I have no defense,
It’s easier to let apathy dispense,
Will this one day all make sense?
Today I decided to fight.

Today I decided to fight,
Instead of passively waiting for the day to expire,
I am out of bed, seeking a spark to my dying fire.
There are days that I give in,
To the predatory lies of corruption,
And though I know temptation is rotten,
It still seems like a pleasure begotten.
The falsehood is alluring,
But your faithfulness is enduring,
And that is why
today I decided to fight.

Today I decided to fight.
Your love is unconditional, despite my heart’s beliefs
My clarity has been stolen, but I am the thief.
I have convinced myself that I’m at war with you,
But it’s really an internal battle between my self-opposing views.
I desire to be good and know I don’t add up,
So instead of accept grace, I punish myself and let guilt build up.
And when I feel that I have served my time,
I turn back around and realize you have already pardoned my crime.
The beating and prison sentence I have pelted on me,
Were harsher than your forgiveness towards this detainee.
And because I can once again see your light,
Today I am willing to get up and fight.

Today I decided to fight.
Fighting looks different for everyone,
Some battles lost, but wars will be won
Weaknesses exposed,
A mindset slowly transposed,
Falling back in fleshly habit,
Guilt-ridden distance and peace cannot cohabit.
I am not out of the fight,
Just tempted to give up my birthright,
My mind is a dam, my heart a levee
Should walking in the light feel this heavy?

Though my shoulders and knees are weak,
I will fight for your presence; your Truth I will seek.

Leave a reply!